Six
Tricky Situations at Weddings - And How to Deal With Them
Inevitably, at any wedding there are going to be some shaky situations that come up. This may involve finances, it
may involve difficult relations between certain people, it may involve certain dietary choices for individuals they
just haven't catered for. There's one only one thing that you can guarantee and that is there will be tricky
situations to deal with.
So, given that you know you'll have to deal with some tricky situations, what's the best way to go about dealing
with them? Well here are six tricky situations and their suggested solutions.
1. My bride hasn't asked her wealthy parents to contribute to the wedding, and they haven't offered!
Your future in-laws are both very successful business people in their own rights, and they're not short of a bob or
two. The only problem is your bride-to-be hasn't asked for a contribution towards the wedding expenses, and her
parents haven't offered. Now what are you going to do?
Tricky situation solution number one
At first glance this looks like it's a money issue but it isn't. This issue revolves around communication or, in
this case, the lack of it. For whatever reason your future bride has not asked her parents to contribute to the
wedding nor have they asked her if they can.
The issue that needs to be addressed is why this communication hasn't taken place. Is there an underlying problem
that she's had in the past with her parents that needs addressing? Maybe she's asked for financial help before and
been declined and she thinks it may be the same situation today.
Whatever the answer is it needs to be uncovered and lines of communication need to be opened and remain open
throughout the wedding planning process.
2. Both my father's want to pay for the wedding!
Your Mum divorced your biological father when you were quite a young girl and she's been married to her new
partner, your stepfather, for the last 20 years. Now the situations come around that you've decided to get married
yourself.
Your stepfather, who has come to see you as his own daughter, has offered to pay for your wedding and is
financially able to do so. Sounds great! The problem is, your biological father, has also offered to pay for the
wedding. However, he is not as financially well off as your stepfather and you know that he would have to take out
a bank loan in order to pay for your wedding. What do you do?
Tricky situation solution number two
This is a difficult one, and probably more frequent than we would imagine. I believe there are three possible
solutions here that need to be taken into consideration.
The first possibility is that you take your stepfather to one side and explain the situation and be quite candid
and open about it. Explain you don't want to offend anyone and ask if he would be willing to pay for the wedding
but to do it anonymously.
This way he would be happy in the knowledge that he is being able to provide for his stepdaughter and give her the
wedding that she's dreamed of and your real father would save face by contributing either less financially or
contributing more directly to the wedding on a personal level.
The second possibility is that you explain to your father that you and your fiancee, although very grateful of the
offer, understand his financial situation and he could do more for you by ensuring a more pleasant atmosphere at
your wedding
The third option is for you to decline both offers, so as not to offend anyone, and resign yourself to the fact
that you and your partner will be paying for it all.
3. I've already got a toaster, will you pay for my honeymoon?
You and your fiancee have been living together for a couple of years now and you have most of the small household
items that you are likely to need, so is it polite to ask for cash instead of yet another toaster?
Tricky situation solution number three
This is not an easy one and needs handling with some care. One way to ensure you don't get anything on your wedding
list is to not have a wedding list!
Now, this might sound a bit daft but it makes perfect sense. If you don't have a wedding list then people will be
struggling to know what to buy you. So you may want to put little note in with the invitations highlighting the
fact that you don't have a wedding list because you've been living together for a couple of years and have all the
small household items that you need.
Alternatively, you may want to produce a small list with large items on it, ones that are larger than one person
would normally pay for individually. Items like a fridge or freezer or maybe even the honeymoon with a note saying
the contributions to these items are most welcome.
4. I know the dresses are my choice but will you pay for them?
Would it be considered rude to ask the bridesmaids to contribute towards the cost of their dresses and by their own
shoes?
Tricky situation solution number four
In theory you could ask the bridesmaids to either pay or contribute towards their dresses and shoes however, when
you consider that you are the one that's telling them what they should wear it really ought to be you that pays for
it.
If money is tight what you may want to do is set a budget for the bridesmaids dresses and explain the budget to
them and what it's for. Tell them that they're quite entitled to help you choose a dress and perhaps choose
something that they really would like to wear. You're happy for them to do so but you can only contribute up to the
maximum of your budget and if they wish to wear something different they can but they will have to pay for the
difference.
5. My fiancee wants my dad to pay for all his family to attend.
Your fiancee comes from a very very big family and what's worse, in this situation anyway, is that they are all
very close and expect to be invited to the wedding. As your parents are paying for the wedding and your fiance's
family outnumber yours 2-to-1 do you think this is really fair and acceptable?
Tricky situation solution number five
In this situation the first question to ask yourself is, "Are the vast number of your fiancee's relatives squeezing
out some of your friends and family from attending the wedding?" If they are then you need to ensure that those
that you definitely want to come to the wedding from your friends and family are definitely there and your fiancee
will have to reduce the numbers a little bit on his side to accommodate.
If everyone that you wish to be at the wedding is attending the fact that he has more relatives there than you
shouldn't really be a problem and it's a good chance for you to meet some of those relatives that you probably
won't see again for at least a few years.
It may be that he's talked to his parents and they've given him a list of people without going through them and
filtering them first.
The final solution, if you really want to cut the numbers, may be too have a more lavish venue with lesser number
of guests so that guests on both sides will be limited or if you're happy and you prefer having loads of people
there than have a more moderate venue and let everyone celebrate with you.
6. Dad wants to invite his golfing buddies.
This is similar in some situations to tricky situation number five. Your father, who is paying for everything,
insists that some of his golfing buddies attend the wedding. The problem is that the venue only accommodates a
small number of people and you are already at capacity with close family and friends. He's asking that some people
be dropped from the list to accommodate his friends. Do you go along with this?
Tricky situation solution number six
Explain to your father that you're happy to accommodate his golfing buddies, but not at the expense of losing some
close friends and family. Point out to him that this may mean economising little bit on the catering and the venue
in order to accommodate the greater number of guests.
Hopefully this will inspire him to either dip a bit further in his pocket or to see your side of things and agree
that maybe close friends and family are more important than his golfing buddies.
Either way communication is the best way to go.
Ian Worrall welcomes you to visit his site Wedding Backdrops where you will be able to see some great examples of wedding and party
decorations.
by Ian Worrall -
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